Today was not a good day.
A situation arose at work that left me really cross and frustrated and no amount of trying to focus on other stuff made me feel any better. I struggle with how to handle these sort of situations because, as a Christian I feel guilty about being cross with someone else and I often end up keeping my anger (even justifiable anger) inside. I also know that there is a spiritual (and psychological) cost in keeping a lid on things but I worry that I'll seem unprofessional, or stroppy, if I let negative feelings out.
How do other people deal with feelings that feel overwhelming, or get in the way? And is 'niceness' a face we hide behind that stops us changing the world into the place God longs for it to be?
I'm probably just making a fuss.... - is it a Christian thing, or a gender thing... or maybe it's just me????
What do you think (and no I'm not telling what happened because that really would be unprofessional!!)
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4 comments:
I believe that there is a right time to 'hold it in' and a time to act. Western civilization, in general, has taught us that being angry is somehow wrong and acting in anger is a 'bad' thing. I am not a Christian, but I am well familiar with the bible and Christianity in general. I can not imagine Jesus not being 'pissed off' when he was slinging a whip around and yelling in that temple.... Aside from righteous anger, we do have a right and a responsibility to work through our anger with ourselves and with others. Confrontation is a healthy experience, but one that takes practice and skill. Just be prepared for the other person involved to never change or apologize and remember that confrontation is more for yourself than for others.
I think a lot of 'niceness' (by which I mean our pleasant public face that might not reflect what is going on inside) is driven by fear. Fear of rejection, fear that parts of us are unpleasant and unacceptable.
I think that this does stop us changing the world. Openness leads to real connection with others, and through that connection with God (and the opposite must be true).
However, I think we have to be careful. Showing our feelings must be done with humility and respect for ourselves and others.
If we react with anger in the heat of the moment our motive might be revenge.
I don't think it is easy to show ourselves more openly. It takes courage and faith.
If I get upset I find it very hard to show how I'm feeling. I just go quiet and brood. I do find it really helps to talk to someone honestly and openly when I have a chance.
I think being a Christian means accepting that you are very far from perfect. Hurt pride is painful, but maybe sometimes humiliation can lead to humility.
Thanks for these helpful comments ronnie and dave. Both interesting perspectives. It's helpful to remember that the negative feelings are mine and that I shouldn't assume the person I'm upset with has a clue unless I let them know. I guess the trick is to share what has bugged me without being unreasonable or (more likely) bursting into tears.
hi michaela
have you read bev harrison's essay, "the power of anger in the work of love"? you may find it online or in her collection, "making the connections" or other feminist christian ethics collections.
nice to see your blog - via the lent shoe one
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